The above article is long, but I recommend giving it a read through. There is a good deal of insight to be gained. The research cited comes from well done studies and it gives a scientific perspective on the devastation that comes from pervasive loneliness. However, I am not going to discuss the merit of the research conducted, instead I will focus on my own isolation experiences of being in a graduate program and discuss possible solutions to student loneliness.
When I moved to the London area to begin my PhD program I unknowingly entered the most isolated period of my life. As per the article "Who are the lonely? They’re the outsiders: not just the elderly, but also the poor, the bullied, the different." I was as different as they came when I began my program. I was a woman in a predominately male field, I was a foreigner with a different accent and different cultural expectations, I was older than the majority of my fellow students, I had an uncharacteristic background in the social sciences, I have different beliefs and convictions, and I felt each of these differences acutely. I was also completely without a support group. My now fiance, then boyfriend was 5000 miles away, and my closest friends were scattered around the United States in a different country. There was no one locally with whom I felt safe enough to have any form intimacy. Being different can make conversation complicated, especially if you fear judgement and condemnation There was no one to depend on if I needed help. On a more frightening note, I knew that if something happened to me, my absence would go unnoticed for days. On good days I felt the isolation as a subtle sadness, on the worst days the pain was so intense I felt it would asphyxiate me. My soul cried for help, but there was no one to hear my tears. This resulted in many of the symptoms described in the article. I have been more physically ill over the past several months that I have been since childhood. I had to convince myself every morning that my program was interesting and a good investment. Every day become more exhausting that the day before. This in turn made it more challenging to participate in the mindless games of small talk that I have never cared for anyways. Small talk is no substitute for the intimacy of friendship. That is the funny thing about being alone, the longer it persists, the harder it is to escape.
I did eventually find methods of coping. I started exercising to increase the endorphins. Unfortunately in the UK if you want to exercise with a group, you have to pay club fees, so I train alone. I have especially wonderful flatmates and I made time in my schedule to spend time with them. I also have kept a good correspondence with my friends who live in the United States. I do get along well with some members in the department. My fiance will be joining me here after our wedding in August. I expect things will get better. Perhaps I will eventually have a few closer friends in this country. If you are reading this and can relate to feelings of loneliness, I encourage you to reach out to who you have. There just might be friends to be had.
Loneliness is a fairly common ailment among graduate students. It is foolhardy to think that telling someone who is lonely that other people are lonely that this knowledge will alleviate even an iota of pain. There is no comfort in that thought. Also, it is incorrect that everyone who is lonely will be able to efficiently extract themselves out of the situation. So then what do we do?
As academic individuals, I cannot stress the importance of reaching out to the outsiders. It can be so challenging in the guarded world of academia. Not every conversation needs to be a chance to brag about accomplishments. Not every interaction needs to be a war of opinions. Do we really know the people we share an office with? Maybe we should? From my observations, academia is a strange blend of professionalism in relationships and strained friendships. I also acknowledge that I need to listen to my own advice. I have become more closed off as I have dived deeper into this murky, cold world.
Academic institutions often claim that they value the mental health of the students. My university is no exception. However, I have seen no actual evidence that this conviction is more than a link on the webpage. The majority of social events and clubs are paid attendance only. This makes them very undesirable. Not all graduate students have the financial resources to participate. Instead, perhaps graduate institutions should put forth more effort to encourage socialization among graduate students, including interdepartmental socialization. Perhaps I am being too idealistic, however healthy students produce better research. Better research increases public notice and therefore funds for an academic program. Maybe we cannot afford not to address the issue of graduate student loneliness.
