UnVogue

When you are woman in man's field, you may be surprised at the little things you have to give up.

This is a picture of me. I am in my clean lab at UNL. Behind me is the chamber where I am conducting my experiment. I am attired in clean room garments. These include a dust minimizing lab coat, size large, a hair net, blue booties to wear over my shoes, blue surgical gloves, and a face mask. When the laser beam is on, this ensemble is completed with a pair of laser googles to protect my vision. Since it is a lab environment, close toed flat shoes are required. Being that it is a clean lab, long pants are mandated. Lasers reflect off bright surfaces so jewelry is minimized. A good deal of my work involves crawling around and being involved in manual labor, therefore practical shirts are a good idea. In this environment I am the most happy. I have the joy of discovery at my fingertips. Though there is tedium and frustration, I find the rewards to vastly outweigh the costs. However, one point that I must address, is to experience this lab, I have sacrificed appearances. There is flattering about my outfit. I will not be the cutest girl in my office. Fashion would be an unnecessary burden that would interfere with what is most important. It is well worth it, but it is still a price to pay.

This is another picture of me taken within 24 hours of the first picture. This is preparing to enjoy and evening with friends. I have make up on. I am wearing clothes that fit. I am allowed to wear my hair down. I feel comfortable in my appearance. This is the same person as the other picture and taken with the same poor quality camera, but it is different. I am fully scientist and fully woman, yet I did have to reconcile the two personas. When men enter a lab, they are generally attired in a manor that they would wear normally. This is often less true for women. I have chosen to indulge in a more feminine appearance when I am not working. I think this important. As more women flock to pursing a passion in science, there is a greater demand to demonstrate that femininity need not be abandoned to enter the field.

This final picture was taken in my office above the lab. I like this one. To me in represents a complete picture of being a woman in science. I have been criticized for the plainness of my attire in the lab by other women in other fields who sit at desks and flaunt heels and skirts according to their fancy. My simple clothes allow me the freedom to explore lasers, light, and new ideas. I can wear my heels on the weekends as I discuss my dreams of bigger research projects. Some may say that a focus on appearance is shallow and perhaps they are right. However, how you look, is often you are perceived. Each choice is followed by it's own perceptions.

I Walk Alone

This song is a cliche, yet it is special to me. There was a warm day in June when I went to New Jersey to pick up my new to me car. It a symbolic moment. It was the final piece of my independence. I was nineteen years old, afraid and free. I climbed into the car and looked at the back seat at my belongings, pulled out of the drive way and left my mother's home behind. As I crossed over the United States, every radio station played this song for the first two hours of my journey. This song was describing my life in that moment. It represents a snapshot of what I was. There was an air of loneliness and independence, freedom and passion. I was selfishly heading towards where I needed to be in life.

Those who follow dreams and live for a drive will find themselves in solitude. One must abandon what is common and sometimes what is social to find the meaning that is sought. I find myself more inclined towards a selfish motivation as I follow the allure of science. It is what drives me and the rational behind my choices. It has cost me that which is familiar. As I meet others in my field, I find this similarity. We live for our field and prioritize little above it. There is a selfishness is scholar that is oft ignored. It is the price we pay to live our dreams. We leave behind us the dreams of a traditional life and instead seek to change the world.